To put it bluntly, I should've left well enough alone when it came to cleaning the floor...again.
You all remember I spent 2 days prior to moving in, on polishing the 'polished porcelain' tiles...all of the 'polished porcelain' tiles including all the wet areas?
Well I decided that this time (after the many times done by me being on all 4's), it would have to be easier to use a proper floor polisher...what a biiiiiiig mistake that was.
I went down to the local Kennards hire store and asked them for just a normal domestic polisher and told the guy what I wanted to do.
He asked if I had used one before to which I replied "No, but I've seen them used (being a nurse, they were always used in hospital), so how hard could it be?"
He smiled and said "It'll probably take at least 5 minutes or so for you to get used to it, but be careful it will tend to take off from you!"
He also said that there was a youtube video on it that I should watch before I get started.
I chuckled and told him that I could handle it!!!!!!!
So after paying $150, I had to wait until another guy went to another store to get some more buffing pads and have it all delivered within half an hour or so. So I went home to move some furniture (chairs away from the dining table, and the coffee table and rug out of the lounge room) and give the floors a bit of a sweep to get rid of any dirt left lying around.
True to his word, I get a knock at the door (4pm) 30 mins later and couldn't wait to start. Remembering what was said about the youtube video, I sat down and watched it. Mmmm, it seems simple enough I thought, so I moved it into the biggest area of the dining room (just incase it took off from me like he said), plugged it in and....I couldn't find the turn on switch....what!
So I spent at least 5 minutes trying everything to turn the darn thing on when I gave in and called the guy up.
He laughed and said "don't worry, your not the only one who's done the same thing". Now wouldn't you think that he would've said that in the first place back at the shop?
So after working out what he meant by pushing one switch fwd and the other back (safety cutoff apparently) and flicking something else at the same time, I finally got it started! Thank god I had the sense to keep the wheels in the 'down' position because as predicted...it took off!
Had I not had the wheels down, it would've gone through the bi-fold doors and you would now be watching Geoff being arrested for my murder!
So now I'm driving it in the 'wheels down' position (and arms about to fall off) for about 10 minutes, then I decided to try it without relying on the wheels to sturdy it and flicked them up....whoa, what a big mistake that was, I now have gouges taken out of the skirting paintwork and rub marks along the bottom edge of the bi-folds in the billiards room. Perhaps I should've tried it in a larger area where if it took off, it would've done the damage it did!
Oh well, I'll just have to do it all with the wheels constantly down. Oh why do cleaners make it look so easy?
It's about an hour since I started this dreadful ride and I wanted to get off. My hands were killing me, I had huge blisters on my thumbs, my hip was just about displaced and again, my arms were about to drop off...I've had enough!
So I stopped and had a look at what I had already done....are you kidding me....no difference....what! If anything, it was worse, it was hazy and not shiny at all.
I started to panic thinking that I had taken the shine off them completely...shit, I've ruined my lovely tiles, oh god Geoff's gunna kill me when he gets home for sure...start packing the bags.....now!
After calming down and my 10th cup of coffee, not really but it felt like I needed at least 10 to keep me going, I got on my hands and knees and buffed a tile with my micro fibre cloth and voila', I had a shiny tile.
Phew, I hadn't ruined them after all, but why were they so hazy I wondered?
I figured that it must've been the tile cleaner that I had mopped on prior to getting the polisher and by changing the pad and going over the same spot, it was starting to bring out the shine.
So after having a break for a much needed drink (non alcoholic just water), I was eager to get started again and this time try the wheels up and just hold onto it.
I don't know what I did differently this time, but it didn't seem to take off quite as quick as it had done previously and I managed to control it a lot easier and better. Perhaps I found more strength after my little break or I was just running on adrenalin, but whatever it was, it was working.
I manoeuvred it around the table legs without crashing and managed to not take so much paintwork off the skirtings this time and even got it to move from one side to the other with no trouble.
I finally had a rhythm at last, but why was it working this time and not before? And then it dawned on me that if you push down on the handle (which I wasn't really aware that I was doing) just slightly, it'll move to the left, and when you pull the handle up (again just slightly) it'll go to the right.
Now, you would think that the guy back at Kennards would've explained that or was that too much to ask? Obviously he's the one laughing at my expense, I could just imagine him and the other guy that was with him, crying with laughter knowing I'm here struggling to keep this thing from destroying the house and any hope that I had of getting my floors to shine...I'm just picturing them rolling over the counter in stitches while I write this!
Never mind, the show must go on as they say.
So with some more polishing done, I've come to the end of day 1 of, 'Me verse floor polisher' and decided to pack up for the evening and get dinner under way for the kids.
I wasn't fussed on the job done so far and thought that if I started nice and early when the boys went to school, I'd at least have all day to get it all finished and hopefully get some shine on the tiles.
Upon waking up and walking into the meals area I was horrified to say the least. It was shocking and I just dreaded the thought of having to get on all fours and do it by hand.
What a waste of $150 if this is the job it does, I felt like taking it back and telling the guy where to shove it, but I wasn't going to let it beat me, I wasn't going to give in without a fight and I was going to win this war not the polisher!
So after the boys went to school, I got stuck into it. I remembered how to control it by the handle and felt more confident in getting into all the tight places and thought I was doing fine...until I lost my rhythm and all hell broke loose then.
Once again I found myself constantly yelling "go left....no the other left....oh shit more gouges, stop you bloody stupid thing go right...no the other right, why won't you listen to my directions damn you?"
If you had've been a fly on the wall, you certainly wouldn't last long because you'd soon fall off from laughter!
Even I'm chuckling as I write this...tho yesterday, smiling was not on the list.
Suffice to say, that now that I've spent 8 hours trying to get my floors to shine, I would've been better off to spend $150 on a good massage after doing it all by hand in the first place.
So after taking the dreadful thing back to Kennards just before 5pm, the guy had the nerve to ask me how I went, with what I thought was a little smile on his face as he said it!
Mmmmm, should I tell him the truth and that it was not only a waste of money, but a freaking waste of my time, or should I just smile and say it was brilliant and the tiles came up like diamonds?
So after going with the first scenario, I walked off feeling slightly better for it and vowed never to rob myself of 'quick' fixes ever again and have now succumbed to the fact that, if you want a job done properly, you have to do it yourself!
So now that leaves me with today. Today I'm spending all day on hands and knees once again polishing tile by tile, painting all of the skirtings and fixing the bottom of the bi-fold door frames with some touch up paint before Geoff gets home later this afternoon....wish me luck.
Oh, if you hear of a woman dying of sheer exhaustion and found curled up in the fetal position on tiles that look like diamonds.....that'll be me!
Signed.................................................
Just like a mirror!
Now that's what I'm talking about....Oh so shiny!
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